3.25.2005

Confession

It was about 4PM. As I leaned against the corner of a brick building downtown waiting for the next light rail train, I could see three rough looking young guys walking my direction, passing me on the right. The last one to pass -- a little shorter than me, but very burley -- had a troubling look on his face as if he were up to something. Just after he walked by I heard a “thump”, a squeaky laugh, and some struggle. The burley one had decided to pin an elderly oriental gentleman who was walking in the other direction against the wall, and he was using some force – apparently to impress his friends or something. The old man was obviously in pain.

Absolutely no one paid attention. People (dozens of them) just kept walking by as if nothing were happening. I was stunned. I needed to do something, but I felt frozen. Right before I worked up the nerve to confront him, he walked off, dropping the old man to his knees, “Stupid Chink!”

I helped the old guy up, and he hobbled off back where he had come from. Clearly he had been injured.

I felt ashamed that I had not responded quickly enough.

A few minutes later a younger man, I assume a grandson or relative, came running down toward where all this had happened. He was obviously very upset. I offered that I had seen what happened, and he said that the old guy was pretty badly hurt and an ambulance was on the way. I told him I could identify the burley guy, but as I related more of the story his appreciation turned to disgust, as it became apparent that I had the opportunity to act, but did nothing. This could have just been my impression, but it seemed that way to me at the time.

I realized that this is such a clear picture of so many things I deal with. It’s not so much that I do evil things, but that I fail to do the right thing – out of cowardice or laziness. This is quite a wake up.

I have a good friend that believes the greatest struggle most men deal with is what he calls “the sin of Adam” – failure to take responsibility, failure to act in promotion or defense of those we are responsible for, including our neighbor. It takes many forms. He is right.

5 comments:

brendar said...

I don’t want to attempt to assuage your feelings of guilt because I believe that you friend is absolutely correct, but allow me to relate a similar story. I was near a pool and a young boy had jumped into the water. I was not sure if he knew how to swim or not. Apparently he was struggling but I could not be sure (these things are not always obvious). I was fully dressed and did not want to look like a fool by diving into the pool unless I knew that this kid was struggling. I made the decision that something had to be done and I was the one to do it. A moment before I made that decision, his mother (also fully dressed) dove into the pool and saved her sons life. But I handed him a towel and told him he’d be O.K. I have convinced myself that if I could have seen the outcome of the event I would have acted immediately or…at all. I’m sure that you have been plagued by a similar thought. Possibly Adam was plagued by a similar thought. They used to call people who were slow to act “retards”…I think that I am a retarded Christian…a retarded humanitarian.

Shawn Cuthill said...

Ya, you're a sinner, just like Adam, and the rest of us. And you're evil too. Welcome to the club

Cheers,
Shawn

Jeanne said...

You don't necessarily have to feel guilty. Possibly ashamed. You didn't walk by. You wanted it to stop. It probably took less time than you remember, because this kind of experience stretches out. I've been in this situation before myself, and it takes a second to process the fact that no one is reacting. I did something, but it was only yelling. It didn't do much good. At the end of it all I was mainly furious at the rest of the observers for not reacting at all. If anyone else had stopped, and caught your eye, I'm sure the two of you would have pulled the attacker off. Don't underestimate your innate need to survive yourself. You've got a wife and family. Some level of your brain was probably weighing risks. Only you know what you were thinking, but I'm so convinced of your inherent good-guyness that I don't think you could have felt you had much chance of succeeding to ward off this man. Perhaps he had a knife. Perhaps God stayed your hand. He doesn't want a dead Martian any more than a dead Chinaman. If you were cowardly, and it was wrong to be it,you probably won't be next time.

That was all in case you are judging yourself objectively. But I'm sure you know if you did something really wrong. The few really wrong things I've done in my life stand out like sore thumbs, and they all are charactarized by the act of deciding in the face of knowledge of the implications. I have never made the same mistake twice.

Jeanne said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Actually, the greatest struggle most men deal with is the sin of Onan.

But Adam's sin comes in at a close second.