Fear

In a conversation at work last Friday with Karen and Laurie, I asked why people often seem afraid to be direct with me. They both let me know that it was because I am “too nice”. I know they didn’t mean that I needed to be more of a jerk (were that possible), they meant that when I’m not direct with other people, they don’t feel comfortable being direct with me. I qualify and cushion any negative comments so much that you can hardly get my point, and people wonder what I’m really thinking. Some of the guys have cared enough to let me know the same.

I have a friend named Mark who hails from upstate NY. Maybe that geography is not relevant, but the thing I really appreciate about this guy is his brutal authenticity. You don’t always like what he says, it’s not always favorable, but you know exactly where he stands. And when he communicates concern you know he means it.

I want to be more like Mark. I think I’m mainly too afraid to say what I really think. I’ve known for as long as I can remember that I am a slave to social approval. Not in every case, but too much. Need to work on that.